Today is just a bad day…not bad day ever but just bad haha… I shouldnt make this post as the first post but my emotion now is too bad that why i have to write something to cool myself and make myself better.. I cant tell this feeling for everyone and i cant let it stay in my mind so this is the best solution for me right now.
I just came to US 3 months ago. Everything is still too new for me. But lucky for me that I have my family here. I still have a long way to go. I should go to school, find some jobs, meet some more people,… not just in a small circle like this.
Like i said before, cause everthing is new for me and maybe I was alone for a while so I felt so lonely. That’s why when someone is nice to me, I think that they likes me. That like is actually ‘like’ not just like. So I just awwwww, I can not explain that but I think I have feeling for him. And he just did some actions that make me feel he likes me. He hugged me, touched my shoulders, hugged me from behind, let me eat by his spoon, shared his dish with me,… That were too new for me. No guy did like that for me before. Or maybe that because I’m so sensitive. Skinship makes me sensitive!!!!!!!!!!!! And the climax was today. He cooked food, made tea, sat next to me and… texted with another girl. OMG dammit. I saw his chatbox. He was sending the photo of the food that he made for that girl while I was posting the photo of the tea that he made for us (cause just I and he drink tea) on my instagram. Dammit I’m so stupid haha. The moment when I saw that photo in his chatbox, I thought that he is chatting with some girl, that’s called 6th sense haha. But I just didnt wanna believe it. I just wanted to be cool. But everything in my mind was broken down when that girl called him. That’s a pretty girl. He also made an avatar for her. That girl is Chinese, same as him. He talked in Chinese with that girl and went to his room to talk to her LOL. Poor me. He talked to her in about 20mins or more. I dont care. I actually dont care but I just feel so weird about myself. Maybe because I’m a Leo. Too sensitive, overthinking,… Now I think that he just treat me like his little sister, cause he doesnt have any siblings. So i think that’s a reason. I shouldnt think about him anymore. HAHA. Fuck myself. 정신차려!!!!!
The thing I hate the most about myself is I’m too sensitive, I always think that they like me when they are nice to me and I will have feeling for them because of these actions. I have to change that. I’ll run tomorrow.
And I feel better now haha. Thanks to wordpress. I really love my page. Little things on Shi. Where I can write some stupid things about my life, my feeling. I’ll come back later. See ya someday, my blog.
I had one blog before, Yahoo 360, but it’s gone now. Yahoo shut it down, so bad. I miss that place, too. Hope that i wont die and noone can find my blog =)))))))). Noone in my family should know these feelings. That’s just mine, only mine. Some weird feeling in some weird moment.
First post. End.
Oct 5th, 2016 – 11:10pm.